“Lucky, you hear that?” 

“幸运，你听到了吗？”

I ask as I pull the pillow over my head, awakening from a restless sleep. I look over at Lucky, who climbs over to me and nuzzles my cheek, and I scratch behind his ears. 

我一边问，一边把枕头拉到头上，从不安分的睡眠中醒来。 我看着Lucky，他爬到我身边，抚摸着我的脸颊，我挠了挠他的耳朵后面。

I try to grasp the unsettling feeling that has followed me into my morning. 

我试图把握一直伴随着我进入早晨的不安的感觉。

There is a humming in my ears. Only it’s not humming, as humming is sonorous and rhythmic. This is discordant, jarring, like someone traipsing through a field of metal and glass rubbish, only quiet enough to be at the edge of my consciousness. I can’t place where it is coming from. Is it outside my window? In the apartment above me? 

我耳边嗡嗡作响。 只是它不是哼唱，因为哼唱是响声和有节奏的。 这是不和谐的，刺耳的，就像有人在金属和玻璃垃圾的田野中旅行，只是安静到足以在我意识的边缘。 我无法知道它来自哪里。 在我的窗外吗？ 在我楼上的公寓里？

I wonder if it is something wrong with my ears or even my brain, but one look at Lucky, his black curly tail down, and ears raised, says that it isn’t inside me. 

我想知道是不是我的耳朵甚至我的大脑出了问题，但看看Lucky，他的黑色卷曲的尾巴垂下来，耳朵抬起来，说明它不在我体内。

He is making that little whine dogs do when they are uncomfortable.   

他让那些小狗在不舒服时发出呜咽。

After breakfast, we head out for our morning walk, and the sound follows: clanging, almost metallic, so tangible that I can taste it. Rather than getting used to it, the sound seems to have grown louder, yet others are walking with their schnauzers and corgis, oblivious. They nod and raise their hands, in that companionable way that all dog walkers seem to share, but Lucky isn’t running up to greet the others as usual. We are both out of sorts from the noise. 

早餐后，我们出发去晨间散步，随之而来的是：叮当声，几乎是金属的，非常有形，我可以尝到它的味道。 声音似乎没有习惯它，反而越来越大，但其他人卻帶著雪纳瑞犬和柯基犬走路，忘乎所以。 他们以所有遛狗者似乎都分享的友好方式，他们按着头和举手举手，但Lucky没有像往常一样跑过来问候其他人。 我们都因噪音而分不自在。

My poor Chinese is preventing me from questioning others, but I am becoming annoyed that others seem not notice the noise, while my head is pulsing, and my teeth are grinding from the tension of the ceaseless symphony of crunching and grinding. 

我糟糕的中文阻止了我质疑别人，但我越来越恼火，因为别人似乎没有注意到噪音，而我的头在跳动，我的牙齿因不断的嘎吱嘎吱作响乐的交响曲的张力而磨蹭。

“Let’s head to the park this morning,” I say, making the decision for both of us. He seems to be happy with the extended outing and my mood lifts as we start our run around the park trail. After the first lap, I notice something. The noise is here, too. It must be something wrong with my ears. I think I need to see a doctor, but then I look down at Lucky, and I see that he is anxious too. He’s whining, acting irritable, completely out of character for a dog that finds joy in everything.

“我们今天早上去公园吧，”我说，为我们俩做决定。 他似乎对延长的郊游感到高兴，当我们开始在公园小径上跑步时，我的心情也变好了。 第一圈后，我注意到了一些事情。 噪音也在这里。 我的耳朵一定有问题。 我想我需要去看医生，但后来我低头看着Lucky，看到他也很焦虑。 他发牢骚，表现得很烦躁，完全不适合一只在一切事物中寻找快乐的狗的性格。

It is not in my head or my ears; we are both hearing the noise. 

它不在我的脑子里或耳朵里；我们都听到了噪音。

As the week progresses, the noise continues, and Lucky and I have lost our appetites, and have been constantly nauseous. I reach out to friends in the area, look up key words on social media in English and Chinese, do internet searches. 

随着一周的进行，噪音还在继续，Lucky和我已经失去了食欲，并且一直感到恶心。 我联系了该地区的朋友，在社交媒体上用英语和中文查找关键词，在网上搜索。

I consider if the military airbase nearby could be running exercises that would emit low level sounds. 

我考虑附近的军事空军基地是否可以进行会发出低音的演习。

I am becoming increasingly irrational as the sound sucks away my ability to concentrate and think clearly. I had read a story recently about the Dyatlov Pass incident of 1959 in Russia, where nine hikers were found dead in the mountains. Recent research suggested that infrasound, or low-frequency sound that is inaudible to most, caused several of the hikers to become insensible and ultimately doomed them all. 

隨著聲音吸走了我集中注意力和清晰思考的能力，我變得越來越不理智。 我最近读到了一个关于1959年俄罗斯迪亚特洛夫山口事件的故事，当时有九名徒步旅行者被发现死在山上。 最近的研究表明，次声或大多数人听不到的低频声音导致一些徒步旅行者变得不敏感，并最终注定了他们所有人。

I become convinced that this is the solution. 

我确信这就是解决方案。

I exhaustively research things that can cause such infrasound, and hit on such things as a Karmen vortex street, caused by a combination of air pressure and geography, meteorites, and it goes downhill from that as I am now becoming a conspiracy theorist. 

我彻底研究了可能导致这种次声的东西，并击中了由气压和地理、陨石的结合引起的卡门涡流街，随着我现在成为一个阴谋论者，它从那开始走下坡路。

Is it aliens? Something else? 

是外星人吗？ 其他的东西？

The rational part of me still left after weeks of popping the Tylenol brought from home and searching dubious websites decided that I should go to the doctor. Maybe Lucky is just picking up on my discomfort. Maybe he is like one of those diabetes detecting dogs, or cancer-sensing cats and knows there is something wrong with me. 

在吃了几周从家里带来的泰诺和搜索可疑的网站后，我的理性部分仍然离开，决定我应该去看医生。 也许Lucky只是注意到我的不适。 也许他就像那些糖尿病检测犬或癌症感知猫之一，知道我有问题。

At any rate, at least the doctor can give me something to combat the insomnia which has been the constant companion of the garbage disposal constantly grinding in my ears. 

无论如何，至少医生可以给我一些东西来对抗失眠，这一直是垃圾处理机的伴侣，不断在我耳边磨擦。

The doctor orders an exhaustive array of tests: MRI’s and CT scans of my brain, hearing tests, blood work, urinalysis, the obvious stuff. 

医生要求进行一系列详尽的测试：我的大脑核磁共振和CT扫描、听力测试、血液检查、尿检，显而易见的东西。

He finds nothing, and tells me to lay off red meat, alcohol, and spicy food, drink lots of hot water, and come back in a week. In a week, I return, but the noise has continued. In my broken Chinese, I try to explain my infrasound theory, and the doctor assumes that I am misspeaking, telling me to exercise more, try yoga and meditation, maybe acupuncture.

他什么也没发现，并告诉我戒掉红肉、酒精和辛辣的食物，多喝热水，一周后回来。 一周后，我回来了，但噪音还在继续。 用我蹩脚的中文，我试图解释我的次声理论，医生认为我说错了，告诉我多锻炼，尝试瑜伽和冥想，也许针灸。

I am exasperated, tired, and something else. Maybe it’s my imagination, but the sound seems to be getting louder every day. 

我气愤、疲惫，还有其他事情。 也许是我的想象，但声音似乎一天比一天大。

I find more crazy theories, and now my family back home is worried that I am losing my grip on reality or something serious is happening. All of them are urging me to return.

我找到了更多瘋狂的理論，现在我回家的家人擔心我失去了對現實的把握，或者正在發生一些嚴重的事情。 他们都在催促我回来。

“Please eat, Lucky”, I  beg constantly, handfeeding him bits of chicken, encouraging him to drink broth.

“请吃吧，Lucky”，我不停地乞求，用手喂他鸡肉，鼓励他喝肉汤。

I am becoming more worried about Lucky than myself, however. He is doing much worse than me now.  

然而，比起我自己，我更担心Lucky。 他现在做得比我差得多。

He is laying around, out of energy, no appetite, and I go nowhere without him. Also, his condition is proof that I am not crazy. I will not let him down. He has been my faithful companion for 3 years now, sharing long walks and runs, and even sleeping by my side every night to protect me and keep me warm. He is my family in China.

他躺着，精力不振，没有胃口，没有他我哪儿也去不了。 此外，他的病情证明我没有疯。 我不会让他失望的。 3年来，他一直是我忠实的伴侣，一起散步和跑步，甚至每天晚上睡在我身边，以保护我，让我保持温暖。 他是我在中国的家人。

I take Lucky to the vet and explain he won’t eat or drink, and they don’t find any obvious problem, but provide a few infusions to keep him going, so we both return home to suffer in silence. 

我带Lucky去看兽医，并解释说他不会吃不喝，他们没有发现任何明显的问题，但提供了一些输液来让他继续下去，所以我们都回家安静地受苦。

I am on indefinite medical leave at work now, and I think they are about to replace me.

我现在在工作中休了无限期病假，我想他们即将取代我。

At home, I try music, television, and yes, yoga and meditation, yet my head feels like it is in a vise, and the noise rarely ceases for more than a few minutes. 

在家里，我尝试音乐、电视，是的，瑜伽和冥想，但我的头感觉像在藤蔓上，噪音很少停止超过几分钟。

I cradle my little, fluffy rescue dog, once surviving being thrown from a moving vehicle, and rub his fur that seems to be turning brittle and falling out now, quieting his weak whines with soft words. “It’s going to be ok, little man, I promise,” I whisper softly into his ear. 

我把我蓬松的小救援犬拰在一起，它曾经从行驶的车辆上被扔下来，揉了揉它的皮毛，它现在似乎变脆了，现在掉下来了，用柔和的话语平息了它微弱的呜咽声。 “会没事的，小家伙，我保证，”我在他耳边轻声低语。

I don’t know who is doing this to us or why, I just want it to stop. As a month passes, he seems to be losing focus in his eyes, and his coordination is going. 

我不知道是谁在这样对我们，也不知道为什么，我只想让它停止。 随着一个月的过去，他的眼睛似乎失去了注意力，他的协调也在下降。

I am feeling much the same; lack of sleep, lack of quiet have taken their toll. 

我也有同样的感觉；睡眠不足、缺乏安静都给他们带来了。

I don’t know how much more either of us can bear, and I stop talking to my family back home, because their worrying only makes it worse. 

我不知道我们两个人还能忍受多少，我不再和家乡的家人说话了，因为他们的担心只会让情况变得更糟。

It all comes crashing down one morning after a month and a half of pure hell. I wake from a brief sleep, and I don’t feel Lucky by my side. I sit up quickly and look down at the floor, where Lucky is writhing in a seizure. 

在經歷了一個半月的純粹的地獄之後，一切都在一天早上崩潰了。 我从短暂的睡眠中醒来，我不觉得幸运在我身边。 我迅速坐起来，低頭看了看地板，Lucky正在抽搐。

I pick him up, wrap him in a blanket, and rush out the door to the emergency vet two blocks down the road. 

我把他抱起来，用毯子把他包起来，然后冲出门去路边两个街区的急诊兽医。

By the time we arrive, the seizure has stopped, and he is breathing, but barely. The vet brings him to the MRI room, and I hear the muffled voices of the vet and his assistant, however, I cannot understand. The assistant comes out and sends me a Wechat message to translate: Lucky has a massive brain tumour. 

当我们到达时，癫痫发作已经停止，他正在呼吸，但几乎没有呼吸。 兽医把他带到核磁共振室，我听到兽医和他的助手低沉的声音，然而，我无法理解。 助理出来给我发了一条微信信息让我翻译：Lucky有一个巨大的脑瘤。

We are discussing options when he seizes again for the last time, as I hold his frail little body.

当他最后一次抓住时，我们正在讨论选择，因为我抱着他虚弱的小身体。

After a while, I ask what the procedure is for taking care of him now, and I am given a somewhat curious option. The assistant makes a phone call, and a guy shows up with a giant cremation truck. He tells me we can have a funeral and cremation ceremony. 

过了一会儿，我问现在照顾他的程序是什么，我得到了一个有点好奇的选择。 助理打了个电话，一个人带着一辆巨大的火葬车出现了。 他告诉我，我们可以举行葬礼和火葬仪式。

I have only heard of such things for pets before, but it sounds nice. 

我以前只听说过宠物的這種東西，但聽起來不錯。

We bring Lucky out to the truck, where the man uses traditional Chinese ceremony materials: a special cloth, incense, funeral music. He proceeds to sing a song and speak words from a Buddhist text and then after that, Lucky is placed on a little conveyor belt to go into the incinerator. As we sat there watching the smoke of my dear companion rising from the truck, the man still singing funeral dirges, I noticed something. 

我们把Lucky带到卡车上，那人在那里使用中国传统的仪式材料：特殊的布、香、葬礼音乐。 他继续唱一首歌，说出佛教经文中的单词，然后，Lucky被放在一条小传送带上，进入焚烧炉。 当我们坐在那里看着我亲爱的同伴的烟雾从卡车上升起时，这个人还在唱着葬礼哀歌，我注意到了一些事情。

The noise. Or rather the silence. There is nothing but wind and song in my ears. 

噪音。 或者更确切地说是沉默。 我耳边只有风声和歌声。

After that day, the noise never returned. I will never know what the noise was for sure, but I wondered. If dogs and cats can sense when their people are sick, is it possible that I sensed Lucky’s illness? I will never know for sure, but in the midst of my grief, the quiet was the sound of loneliness.

那天之后，噪音再也没有回来。 我永远不知道噪音是什么，但我想知道。 如果狗和猫能感觉到他们的人生病，那我有可能感觉到Lucky的病吗？ 我永远不会确定，但在我悲伤中，寂静是孤独的声音。