“Your eyes aren’t big enough.”
“Your nose bridge isn’t high enough.”
“You are flat.”
…the phrases repeated to me over and over again growing up in a mostly western-dominated culture.
“你的眼睛不够大。” 你的鼻梁不够高。” 你是平的。”……在以西方为主的文化中长大，我一遍又一遍地重复著这些短语。
I grew up in America, spending the majority of my tween and early teen years in a school where the primary ethnicity was Caucasian. When you are a kid, you just want to fit in with all of your friends, something as simple as that. But that is not as easy to achieve as you would think.
我在美國長大，在一所主要民族是高加索人的學校度過了我十幾歲和青少年早期的大部分時間。 当你还是个孩子的时候，你只想融入你所有的朋友，就这么简单。 但这并不像你想象的那么容易实现。
I was in third grade when I came to the brutal realisation that I looked, dressed and acted completely differently from every single one of my peers. I had just moved to the US from China. I noticed everyone around me had light-coloured hair, button noses and huge concave eyes.
我上三年级的时候，我残酷地意识到，我的外看、穿着和行为都与每个同龄人完全不同。 我刚从中国搬到美国。 我注意到我周围的每个人都有浅色的头发、纽扣鼻子和巨大的凹陷的眼睛。
I hated how my hair colour was so dark, I hated how my eyes weren’t big enough, I hated how my nose wasn’t petite and high enough, I hated how I just simply wasn’t enough.
我讨厌我的头发颜色太黑了，我讨厌我的眼睛不够大，我讨厌我的鼻子不够小和高，我讨厌我根本不够。
I remember staring into my bathroom mirror every day hoping that something has changed and that my Asian features had magically transformed into Caucasian ones, though, that never happened, not even in my wildest dreams. I resented my Asian background and how it made me so vastly different from everyone else.
我记得每天盯着浴室的镜子，希望有些东西发生了变化，我的亚洲特征神奇地变成了白种人特征，然而，这从未发生过，甚至在我最疯狂的梦中也没有发生。 我怨恨我的亚洲背景，以及它如何让我与其他人如此不同。
My initial point of action was that if I couldn’t look like those girls, then I could dress, speak and act like them. I tossed away my Asian heritage almost completely, refusing to speak Chinese at home, and put on a façade, hoping that no one would realise that I was different. Western culture and beauty standards started to dominate who I fundamentally was, affecting everything I did, from what I wore to how I presented myself through body language and the way I spoke.
我最初的行动点是，如果我不能看起来像那些女孩，那么我可以像她们一样穿衣、说话和行动。 我几乎完全扔掉了我的亚洲遗产，拒绝在家里说中文，装出一个幌子，希望没有人会意识到我与众不同。 西方文化和美的标准开始从根本上支配我是谁，影响我所做的一切，从我穿什么到我如何通过肢体语言和说话的方式展示自己。
I used to spend hours correcting my accent and trying incredibly hard in an attempt to sound more like the stereotypical “valley girl” presented in the countless teen romcoms I’ve binged. Even though I changed essentially everything about myself that made me Chinese, except for the way I looked, I still never felt satiated.
我曾经花几个小时纠正我的口音，并非常努力地试图听起来更像我狂听的无数青少年浪漫喜剧中呈现的刻板印象“山谷女孩”。 尽管我基本上改变了让我成为中国人的一切，除了我的外看，我仍然从未感到饱腹。
When I reached middle school, I only affiliated myself with Caucasian people, because a part of me believed that it would make me feel complete, better help me morph into being one with western culture, creating an illusion to everyone around me that I wasn’t all that different compared to everyone else.
当我上初中时，我只和高加索人有联系，因为我的一部分相信这会让我感到完整，更好地帮助我转变为与西方文化融合，给我周围的人制造一种错觉，即与其他人相比，我并没有什么不同。
Despite my best efforts, I was still perceived as an outsider by my friends, who judged the way I looked and spoke with subtle actions, such as exchanging uncomfortable eye contact or the occasional side glance whenever my accent slipped through. Though these actions were small, overtime they built up and slowly chipped away at my confidence.
尽管我尽了最大努力，但我的朋友仍然认为我是一个局外人，他们用微妙的动作来评判我的外表和说话，比如交换不舒服的眼神接触，或者每当我的口音滑落时偶尔侧目。 虽然这些行动很小，但随着时间的推移，它们逐渐积累起来，并慢慢削弱了我的信心。
I even went as far as to get on both knees and begging my mom to let me get a nose job and double eyelid surgery.
我甚至双膝跪地求妈妈让我做隆鼻手术和双眼皮手术。
She firmly refused, as she couldn’t comprehend why I so desperately wanted to change my appearance that she called beautiful. But it’s only human nature to want feelings of acceptance and attractiveness.
她坚决拒绝，因为她不明白为什么我如此迫切地想改变她称之为美丽的外表。 但想要被接受和有吸引力的感觉只是人类的天性。
After spending years feeling ridiculous and isolated, demented in an all-consuming mindset, I realised that I was not the only one who thought this. Looking at Eastern Asian culture today, almost everything is influenced and subjugated by western-beauty standards; whether they be fair skin, double eyelids or a dainty nose, the Asian societal beauty spectrum to embodies them all.
在花了多年时间感到荒谬和孤立，在一种消耗一切的心态中发呆后，我意识到我不是唯一一个这样想的人。 从今天的东亚文化来看，几乎一切都受到西方美的标准的影响和征服；无论是白皙的皮肤、双眼皮还是精致的鼻子，亚洲社会美的光谱都体现了它们。
The concept of fair skin has long been popular among the Chinese, Korean and Japanese. A World Health Organisation survey found over 40 percent of women in Asia said that they regularly used skin-whitening cream.
白皙的皮肤概念长期以来在中国人、韩国人和日本人中很受欢迎。 世界卫生组织的一项调查发现，超过40%的亚洲女性表示她们经常使用美白霜。
Therein, western colonialism plays an enormous role in the popularity of whitening products.
其中，西方殖民主义在美白产品的流行中发挥了巨大作用。
An Estee Lauder representative has pointed out that the product labeled as whitening cream in Asia are in the US described as “illuminating cream”. Whatever is considered as more Caucasian is portrayed as beautiful. In Japan, the popular practice of skin bleaching is popular among many, in order to achieve a lighter appearance. Despite the many health risks, including liver and nerve damage that can come along with skin bleaching, this goes to show just how extreme some are willing to go to achieve the perceived western phenomenon of fair skin.
雅詩蘭黛的一位代表指出，在亞洲被標記為美白霜的產品在美國被描述為「發光霜」。 任何被认为是更白种人的东西都被描绘成美丽。 在日本，皮肤美白的流行做法在许多人中很受欢迎，以达到更浅的外观。 儘管存在許多健康风险，包括面板漂白可能帶來的肝臟和神經損傷，但這表明有些人願意走向極端，以實現西方人認為的白皙面板現象。
And it’s not just whitening creams; plastic surgery is another insanely popular practice adopted by over 20 million people in Asia. South Korea produces some of the highest rates of plastic surgery in the world, with the most sought-after operations being double eyelid surgery and nose jobs. The country performs the most cosmetic surgeries per capita, with 20 plastic procedures per 1,000 people, compared to 13 in the US.
这不仅仅是美白霜；整形手术是亚洲2000多万人采用的另一种非常受欢迎的做法。 韩国是世界上整形手术率最高的国家，最受欢迎的手术是双眼皮手术和隆鼻手术。 该国人均整容手术最多，每1000人有20次整形手术，而美国为13次。
This idolised and warped perception of Caucasian beauty standards has dominated the entire beauty industry, pressurising women to conform to a race-specific, stereotypical beauty that disregards all other forms of natural beauty that should be equally accepted.
这种对高加索人美的标准的偶像化和扭曲的看法主导了整个美容行业，迫使女性遵守特定种族的、刻板的美，这种美无视所有其他形式的自然美，而这些自然美应该同样被接受。
After spending half my life in the US, I moved back to China in 2017. The transition back into a culture that I’ve neglected for close to 7 years was a challenge, but it was worth it because all my conformity and the forcefully molding of myself began to dissipate.
在美国度过了半辈子后，我于2017年搬回了中国。 回到我忽视了近7年的文化过渡是一个挑战，但这是值得的，因为我所有的顺从和强迫自我塑造开始消散。
I reconnected with a culture that I’ve proudly learned to call my own, with the help of rising Asian influencers, expanding my limited scope that once sheltered but now fights for inclusion.
在新兴的亚洲影响者的帮助下，我重新联系了一种我自豪地学会称之为自己的文化，扩大了我有限的范围，这个范围曾经被庇护，但现在为包容性而奋斗。
I remember a few years back discovering an old photo album of my grandma, when she was in her early 20s. I saw how beautifully she smiled with a sense of pride; fierceness that radiated confidence and self-acceptance. I wanted that, I wanted to feel just as proud of myself and my culture as she was.
我记得几年前，我发现了我奶奶20岁出头的一本旧相册。 我看到她带着骄傲的微笑是多么美丽；猛烈的光芒散发着自信和自我接受。 我想要那个，我想像她一样为自己和文化感到自豪。
By things as simple as a photograph and watching YouTube videos of influencers who looked like me, I could now view myself as beautiful. My narrow scope of beauty had been widened.
透過像照片和观看像我的有影響力的人的YouTube影片这样简单的事情，我現在可以把自己看成是美丽的。 我狭隘的美范围已经扩大了。
I am still learning to further embrace my Asian features and myself for who I truly am, but I can feel something within me that has changed from before. I feel a newfound confidence that I’ve rarely experienced and I finally feel comfortable in my own skin. Though society is still very much fixated on Western beauty standards, I now recognise that beauty does not just exist in one form, but hundreds. The time has come for the rest of the world to acknowledge that as well.
我仍在学习进一步拥抱我的亚洲特征和真实的自己，但我能感觉到我内心有些东西与以前发生了变化。 我感受到了一种我很少体验到的新信心，我终于对自己的面板感到舒服了。 尽管社会仍然非常专注于西方的美的标准，但我现在认识到，美不只存在一种形式，而是存在数百种形式。 世界其他地方也承认这一点的时候到了。
As I am growing older and learning how to take control and embrace my Asian heritage which gleams beautiful with culture, I don’t need anyone to validate me. I don’t need to fit in, and I most definitely don’t need to conform to meet standards that do not even apply to me. I am beautiful, I take pride in where I come from, how I act, how I look.
随着我年龄的增长，并学习如何控制和拥抱我的亚洲遗产，我的亚洲遗产因文化而闪闪发光，我不需要任何人来验证我。 我不需要适应，我绝对不需要符合甚至不适用于我的标准。 我很漂亮，我为自己的来人、行为方式、外表感到自豪。
I finally see what I couldn’t before. And that is I am enough; throughout this entire time I am enough. And so are you.
我终于看到了我以前看不到的东西。 那就是我足够了；在这段时间里，我足够了。 你也是。
