Mariel had been told that she’d been born white as wedding-cake frosting, but she wasn’t white anymore. 

Mariel被告知，她出生时是白色的，就像婚礼蛋糕糖霜一样，但她不再是白人了。

She looked down at her hands and saw the yellow collected on her fingers like she had been playing with corn flour. It was the yellow of a fall leaf, of tarnished golden crowns, of pestilence, and she wanted it gone. 

她低头看着自己的手，看到手指上积聚着黄色，就像她在玩玉米粉一样。 那是落叶的黄色，被玷污的金冠冕，瘟疫的黄色，她希望它消失。

She wanted her normal colour back. The yellow had started on the index finger on her left hand, but now it was on all her fingers except for the pinky of her right hand. It was spreading, and now her eyes frequently drifted down to her hands and fixated on every dapple of yellow.

她想要恢复正常的颜色。 黄色从她左手的食指开始，但现在除了右手的小指外，她所有的手指上都有黄色。 它正在蔓延，现在她的眼睛经常飘到她的手上，盯着每一个黄色的斑点。

She had turned pink during her teenage years, and now she was in college, growing in hue and complexity, but then this, this abnormal yellow, made others avoid her. 

她在十几岁时变成了粉红色，现在她正在上大学，色调和复杂性都在增长，但后来这个，这个不正常的黄色，让其他人避开她。

“You should try not to pick at it”, Micah said as they walked down the road. “It’s only going to turn more yellow.”

当他们走在路上时，Micah说：“你应该尽量不要挑剔它。” “它只会变黄。”

“You don’t know that”, Mariel said.

“你不知道，”Mariel说。

Micah stayed quiet. He was there to support her as her longtime friend, but part of her wanted to be alone. Shame was also a yellowish colour. She had wanted her boyfriend to come with her to Kiowa, the healing center, but her insistence had turned him into an ex.

Micah保持沉默。 作为她的老朋友，他在那里支持她，但她的一部分想独处。 羞耻也是黄色的。 她希望她的男朋友和她一起去治疗中心Kiowa，但她的坚持把他变成了前任。

She stared ahead as they walked, looking for Kiowa. It was a wooden compound on the edge of the city where people washed away unnatural colours. They had scented pools, infused with different herbs that cleansed deep. Often, she imagined dipping her hand into one of the pools and seeing the yellow on her finger drip off like paint. She had scrubbed her fingers till they bled but that only dyed them red for a moment or two.

当他们走着时，她盯着前方，寻找Kiowa。 这是城市边缘的一个木制建筑群，人们在那里洗去不自然的颜色。 他们有芳香的水池，注入了不同的草药，可以深层清洁。 通常，她想象着把手浸入其中一个水池中，看到手指上的黄色像油漆一样滴落。 她擦了擦手指，直到流血，但只把手指染红了一两下。

“They say crazy things happen out here”, Micah said, “But if there was something that could be done, the doctors in the city would have already done it. I’m not trying to be a downer, but you should adjust your expectations”.

“他们说这里会发生疯狂的事情，”Micah说，“但如果有什么可以做的，这个城市的医生早就做了。 我不是想成为一个沮丧的人，但你应该调整你的期望。”

“Expectations set to disappointment”, Mariel said. As they crested the hill, she saw the tops of Kiowa’s wooden buildings and was impressed by its size. It sprawled out in different directions and was so large that Mariel wasn’t sure where to enter.

Mariel说：“期望令人失望。” 当他们登上山顶时，她看到了基奥瓦的木制建筑的顶部，对它的规模印象深刻。 它向不同的方向蔓延开来，而且太大了，以至于Mariel不知道该从哪里进去。

“Disease is a good business model”, Micah said as he looked around. 

“疾病是一个很好的商业模式，”Micah环顾四周时说。

“You can ask for whatever you want.”

“你可以要求任何你想要的东西。”

“We’re here for guidance”, Mariel said. “This is my last chance.”

Mariel说：“我们在这里寻求指导。” “这是我最后的机会。”

Mikah pointed the way towards the entrance. “I’m sure that desperation is filtered into their business plan. It’s a surcharge of sorts.”

Mikah指着入口的方向。 “我确信绝望被过滤到他们的商业计划中。 这是某种附加费。”

She ignored him as they walked into the main lobby and gaped at the vaulted maple roof with its accents of cedar. The lodge stood as a conglomerate of different coloured trees, but Mariel only wanted to get to her room.

当他们走进主大厅，目瞪口呆地看着带有雪松口音的拱形枫树屋顶时，她没有理会他。 小屋像一个由不同颜色的树木组成的聚集地，但Mariel只想去她的房间。

She handed her identification card and credit card to the receptionist who smiled as she found their reservation. While she waited, she noticed the yellow had spread to her pinky finger as well.

她把身份证和信用卡递给了接待员，接待员在找到他们的预订时笑了。 当她等待时，她注意到黄色也蔓延到她的小指上。

They settled onto their respective rooms, and a brief phone call let Mariel know she could see the master healer in a few minutes. Mariel spent the time changing into a long green dress. She didn’t want to feel underdressed when she met the legendary healer. Micah knocked on her door. His room was down the hall. She opened the door to find him in his swimsuit and looking so excited that he was a shade of blue lighter.

他们安顿在各自的房间，一个简短的电话让Mariel知道，她几分钟后就能见到治疗师大师。 Mariel花时间换上了一件绿色的长裙。 当她见到这位传奇的治疗师时，她不想感到衣着不足。 Micah敲了敲她的门。 他的房间在走廊的下面。 她打开门，发现他穿着泳衣，看起来非常兴奋，他看起来是蓝色的打火机。

“I’m going to do me some intense healing at the hot springs”, he said. He turned and headed off with a wave.

他说：“我要在温泉里做一些强烈的治疗。” 他转过身来，挥了挥手。

“You’re not coming to see the master healer with me?”

“你不和我一起来看治疗师大师吗？”

“There’s got to be something fun to do in this wood polished arboretum.” He waved again, and he was gone, leaving her with her yellow.

“在这个木质抛光的植物园里，一定有一些有趣的事情可以做。” 他再次挥了挥手，然后他走了，留下她的黄色。

A few minutes later, as she stood in front of the master healer and knew she was overdressed. He stood by the window wearing a pair of thin, blue gym shorts over his light blue body and nothing else. He was middle-aged and unshaven.

几分钟后，当她站在治疗师大师面前时，她知道自己穿得过头了。 他站在窗边，穿着一条薄薄的蓝色运动短裤，覆盖着浅蓝色的身体，没有其他东西。 他是中年人，没有刮鬍子。

He stood there looking confused, poking at his blue skin as she walked in. “Our bodies are such mysteries sometimes. Your intestines get infected and yet your head hurts. Try to figure that one out.”

他站在那里，看起来很困惑，当她走进来时，他戳了戳他蓝色的皮肤。 “我们的身体有時是如此的神秘。 你的肠子被感染了，但你的头却疼。 试着弄清楚那个。”

She saw a couple of chairs next to a small table in the large, otherwise empty room. It reminded her of pictures she had seen of Japan. She sat on one of the chairs, and after a moment he sat down as well.

她看到大房间里一张小桌子旁边的几把椅子，本来是空的。 这让她想起了她看过的日本照片。 她坐在其中一把椅子上，过了一会儿，他也坐了下来。

“So, what’s the problem?”, he asked.

「那麼，問題出在哪裡？」他問道。

Mariel placed her hand on the table and looked away. The yellow had spread down into the palms because she had picked at it. For days, she had tried to recall what or who she could have touched to get this, but no specific moment stood out. That first moment was likely quick, a drop of raw colour grazing her and then spreading. She did not know exactly how it worked, but she had heard stories. Bits of colour blending with a person until their hue slowly turned darker and darker.

Mariel把手放在桌子上，看向別處。 黄色已经蔓延到手掌中，因为她挑了它。 几天来，她一直试图回忆起她可以触摸到什么或谁来获得这个，但没有一个特定的时刻脱颖而出。 第一刻可能很快，一滴原始颜色掠過她，然后蔓延开来。 她不知道它到底是如何运作的，但她听说过故事。 色彩与人融合在一起，直到他们的色调慢慢变暗。

“That will take a day or so to go away”, he said as he looked at her hands. He spread her fingers with what looked like a chopstick.

“那需要一天左右的时间才能消失，”他看着她的手说。 他用看起来像筷子的东西张开她的手指。

“What’s going to happen?”, Mariel asked.

“会发生什么？”Mariel问道。

“It’ll go away for the most part”, he said. He walked to the wall and opened up a panel to reveal a closet she hadn’t seen before. In a series of deft movements, he mixed together an ointment and grabbed some orange gauze.

他说：“大部分时间都会消失。” 他走到墙边，打开一个面板，露出一个她以前从未见过的壁橱。 在一系列巧妙的动作中，他混合了一种软膏，然后抓起一些橙色纱布。

“For the most part?”, Mariel asked. “I want to be cured.”

“大部分？”Mariel问道。 “我想被治愈。”

“Disease isn’t just about being cured. It’s about acceptance”, the man said. “Even after you recover, this disease will always be a part of you.”

“疾病不仅仅是被治愈。 这是关于接受的，”那人说。 “即使你康复后，这种疾病也永远是你的一部分。”

“That’s gross”, she said.

“那太恶心了，”她说。

“That’s medicine”, he said. “Healing takes both steps to be complete. Besides, it’s just a hand.” He sat down to wrap her hands up with the ointment. He whistled while he bandaged, and Mariel looked out the window, waiting for the moment to feel better. She had felt afraid for far too long, and as she stared at the orangish-yellow hue of the retiring day, she wondered if fear was its own disease, and if so, what colour did it turn you? The more she looked at the sun, the more she hated it. These last few days, she saw yellow everywhere.

“那是药，”他说。 “治愈需要两个步骤才能完成。 此外，这只是一只手。” 他坐下来用药膏包住她的手。 他一边包扎一边吹口哨，Mariel向窗外望去，等待那一刻感觉好些。 她害怕太久了，当她凝视着退休日的綵黄色时，她想知道恐惧是否是它自己的疾病，如果是的话，它把你变成了什么颜色？ 她越看太阳，就越讨厌它。 在过去的几天里，她到处都看到了黄色。

Later that evening, Micah knocked on her door. He still wore a swimsuit, but he had changed suits from earlier.

那天晚上，Micah敲了敲她的门。 他仍然穿着泳衣，但他从之前换了西装。

“Where did your other…?”

“你的另一个……在哪里？”

“It’s a long story involving the rose-infused hot spring”, he said. “I wouldn’t dwell on it.” He stared down at her bandaged hands. “How’s the mummy look going?” 

他说：“这是一个涉及玫瑰注入温泉的长故事。” “我不会纠结于此。” 他低头盯着她包着绷带的手。 “木乃伊看起来怎么样了？”

“He said that it should take a day or so”, she said. “He seemed to think it wasn’t a big deal.” She stood there, unsure of what to say next. Disease killed most conversations.

她说：“他说这应该需要一天左右的时间。” “他似乎认为这没什么大不了的。” 她站在那里，不知道接下来该说什么。 疾病扼杀了大多数对话。

“Let’s take a walk”, he said. He moved to grab her hand but stopped short of touching her. “It’s nice outside.” He waved for her to follow him.

“我们去散步吧，”他说。 他移动着抓住她的手，但没有碰她。 “外面天气很好。” 他挥手让她跟着他。

She pulled on a wrap to keep warm and followed him out into the courtyard. The rock and bamboo garden spread out in all directions, and random hot springs revealed themselves through plumes of coloured steam. The walkway was lit by long series of footlights. They walked side-by-side, but as approached other people, they glanced down at her hands and then moved to the side.

她拉上包裹保暖，跟着他进了院子。 岩石和竹子花园向四面八方蔓延，随机的温泉通过彩色蒸汽的羽流显现出来。 人行道被一长串的脚灯照亮。 他们并排走着，但当接近其他人时，他们低头瞥了一眼她的手，然后移到一边。

“You remember when we rode the Ferris wheel, and we got hit by an earthquake?”, Micah asked.

Micah問道：「你還記得我們乘坐摩天轮被地震襲擊的時候嗎？」

Mariel focused on the road in front of her, wishing she had brought something more concealing. “I screamed for like 2 days.”

Mariel專注於她面前的道路，希望她能帶一些更隱蔽的東西。 “我尖叫了大约2天。”

“I couldn’t stop laughing”, he said. “The ground was shaking, and we could hear the steel groaning, and we both clung to our little swinging chair, which wobbled all over the place. We might fall at any moment, and there was nothing to do.”

“我忍不住笑了，”他说。 “地面在摇晃，我们可以听到钢铁的呻吟声，我们都紧紧抓住我们的小摇椅，椅子摇摇晃晃地到处都是。 我們隨時都可能倒下，而且無能為力。」

“The world felt like it was ending”, she said.

她说：“世界感觉要结束了。”

“But when it all was happening, I thought death by Ferris wheel was just the funniest thing I could imagine. You screamed so long and so hard that parts of you turned gray for days.”

「但當這一切發生時，我認為摩天輪死亡是我能想象到的最有趣的事情。 你尖叫得那么久，如此用力，以至于你的某些地方几天都变白了。”

“That happens sometimes when you’re scared”, Mariel said. “Nothing strange about that.” A couple who looked like they were married and in a fight of their own saw her and turned around. She wished her bandages were a more neutral colour. They highlighted her disease like a notation in a book.

Mariel说：“当你害怕的时候，有时会发生这种情况。” “这没什么奇怪的。” 一对夫妇看起来像是结婚了，在自己吵架时看到了她，然后转过身来。 她希望她的绷带颜色更中性。 他們像在書中的記號一樣突出了她的疾病。

“Let’s lie down for a minute”, Micah suggested.

“我们躺一会儿吧，”Micah建议道。

 “Why?” 

“为什么？”

“Maybe we can feel the Earth spinning”, he said. He found a patch of grass and stretched out. “The Earth flies through the air at roughly thirty kilometres every second.”

他说：“也许我们能感觉到地球在旋转。” 他发现了一片草地，然后伸了个懒腰。 “地球每秒大约以三十公里的速度在空中飞行。”

 She sighed. She laid down next to him on the grass and looked up at the stars, and for a second, she almost felt the Earth flying. She gripped the grass with her bandaged hands.

她叹了口气。 她躺在他旁边的草地上，仰望着星星，有那么一秒钟，她几乎感觉到地球在飞。 她用包扎着的手抓住草地。

 The next day, she met with the master healer again. She dressed down and found him wearing a simple white linen gown. They sat together at the table as he unwound her bandages.

第二天，她再次见到了治疗师大师。 她穿得漂漂亮亮，发现他穿着一件简单的白色亚麻礼服。 当他解开她的绷带时，他们一起坐在桌子旁。

“No peeking”, he said. “People are always in such a rush.”

“不要偷看，”他说。 “人们总是很匆忙。”

“Just excited”, she said.

“只是兴奋”，她说。

The bandages came off, and the harsh yellow was gone, but her hands had shifted colour slightly. They were no longer their regular red. Instead, a faint orangish hue clung to them. “Is that normal?” she asked.

绷带脱落了，刺眼的黄色消失了，但她的手稍微变色了。 他们不再是他们平常的红色了。 相反，一种淡淡的猩猩色粘在他们身上。 “这正常吗？” 她问道。

“It’ll get better with time, but yes, that’s normal.”

“随着时间的推移，情况会好转，但是是的，这很正常。”

She didn’t understand, but she stayed quiet. “Well, thank you. I think I’m all healed.”

她不明白，但她保持沉默。 “好吧，谢谢你。 我想我已经痊愈了。”

“You’re recovered”, he said. “That’s not the same thing.”

“你康复了，”他说。 “那不是一回事。”

“Sure”, she said with a smile. “Of course.” She almost offered her hand, but then she thought better of it.

“当然”，她微笑着说。 “当然。” 她几乎要伸出手来，但后来她想好了。

Micah was waiting for her outside. He was already packed and was holding his small overnight bag.

Micah在外面等她。 他已经收拾好了，拿着他的小过夜包。

“You ready?”, he asked.

“你准备好了吗？”他问道。

“I just need to grab my things”, she said. She headed to her room, and as she walked, she marveled at her hand. The orange was there, but she had to search to see it. She wondered how clearly others could see it.

“我只需要拿我的东西，”她说。 她走向自己的房间，走着走着，她惊叹于自己的手。 橙子在那里，但她不得不搜索才能看到它。 她想知道其他人能清楚地看到它。

As they neared her room, a woman walked towards them in the hall, her face was partly covered in bandages and a splotch of gray showed on each of her cheeks. Mariel pressed herself against the wall. The woman gave her a pained glance as she passed, but Mariel focused on staying as far away as possible. Whatever colour that woman had, she wanted none of it.

当他们走近她的房间时，一个女人在大厅里向他们走来，她的脸被部分绷带覆盖着，脸颊上都露出灰色斑纹。 Mariel把自己压在墙上。 当她经过时，那个女人痛苦地瞥了她一眼，但Mariel专注于尽可能地远离她。 不管那个女人有什么颜色，她都不想要。