“When I Find Myself in Times of Trouble…”
“当我发现自己陷入困境时……”
September is always a funny month for me. The daylight begins to contract, school imposes routine on the wildness of the summer months, and for the last 27 years, the anniversary of the death of my mother. 7 September used to be my Grandmother’s wedding anniversary, and then, one day in 1994, it became a different anniversary, one that has shaded life ever since. Life, love, grief and death. The ingredients of every great story.
对我来说，九月总是一个有趣的月份。 白天开始收缩，学校把常规强加在夏季的狂野中，在过去的27年里，是我母亲的忌日。 9月7日曾經是我祖母的結婚紀念日，然後，在1994年的一天，它變成了一個不同的紀念日，從那時起，它就給生活蒙上了陰影。 生命、爱、悲伤和死亡。 每個偉大故事的成分。
Joan Didion writes about this in her tour de force memoir, “The Year of Magical Thinking”. In clear, crisp prose she dissects the grieving process, meandering through the stages of grief that span 1 year and 1 day exactly from the sudden death of her husband, John Gregory Dunne. It is an honest recount, flitting from mundane to magical moments, when grief baffled and bemused and battered her. Early on, she writes of how the need to keep her husband’s shoes made sense in those addled days. She kept them, because he would need them when he came back.
Joan Didion在她的壮年回忆录《神奇思考之年》中写到了这一点。 她用清晰、清晰的散文剖析了悲伤的过程，蜿蜒穿过从她丈夫John Gregory Dunne突然去世开始的1年1天的悲伤阶段。 这是一个诚实的复述，从平凡到神奇的时刻，当悲伤让她感到困惑、困惑和殴打时。 早期，她写道，在那些精神不通的日子里，需要保留她丈夫的鞋子是如何有意义的。 她保留了它们，因为他回来后会需要它们。
Of course. Like not walking under a ladder, or knocking on wood, like wearing your lucky underwear or throwing a pinch of spilled salt over your left shoulder; some things make sense in the liminal spaces, and that is enough. Enough to create a stepping stone to the next day.
当然。 就像不走在梯子下，或者敲木头，比如穿你的幸运内衣，或者把洒落的盐扔到左肩上；有些事情在边缘空间是有意义的，这就足够了。 足以为第二天创造垫脚石。
This sense of sliding between shades of reality is reflected in the book title. “Magical Thinking” is the belief that thinking, willing or wishing for something to happen may cause it to manifest. It has been hailed as a benefit to mental health when it produces a sense of calm, control and a positive mental attitude. It can also be symptomatic of obsessive compulsive disorder or schizophrenia.
这种在现实阴影之间滑动的感觉反映在书名中。 “神奇思维”是一种信念，即思考、愿意或希望某件事发生可能会导致它显现出来。 当它产生平静感、控制感和积极的心理态度时，它被誉为对心理健康有益。 它也可能是强迫症或精神分裂症的症状。
As with all things in life, it does not lend itself to a simplistic, clear answer.
与生活中的所有事物一样，它不适合给出一个简单、明确的答案。
Lately, my mind has been congested. It began in lockdown, healthy summertime habits of daily constitutionals and food that is ripe for nurturing the body quickly gave way to the code yellow, self-isolation stint at home, the “oh well, maybe next time” cancellation of trips and the return to rigid routine.
最近，我的头脑一直很拥挤。 它始于封锁，健康的夏季日常体质习惯和滋養身体的成熟食物迅速让位于代码黄色，在家自我隔离，取消旅行的“哦，好吧，也许下次”和回到僵化的常规。
The CDC defines grief as a “response to loss of life, as well as to drastic changes to daily routines and ways of life that usually bring us comfort and a feeling of stability”. This we know. And we’ve all had our fair share of the latter recently, and some of us of the former.
疾病预防控制中心将悲伤定义为“对生命损失以及日常生活和生活方式的剧烈变化的回应，这些变化通常给我们带来安慰和稳定感”。 我们知道这一点。 最近，我们都分享了后者的公平份额，而我们中的一些人也分享了前者。
What grabbed my wily attention and dragged it face first into Didion’s book was her visceral laceration of a certain Dr. Volkan, and his technique of “regrief therapy, […] for the treatment of established and pathological mourners.” This technique allows the patient to review, redirect and ultimately “emotionally relive” the traumatic event. Whilst Didion assaults Volkan’s methods, ironically demonstrating the anger he predicts will appear if things are going well, she doesn’t dwell on the validity or value of the technique itself.
狡猾地吸引我的注意力并首先将其拖入Didion的书中的是她对某位Volkan博士的内脏撕裂，以及他的“重新治疗疗法，[…]用于治疗既定和病态哀悼者”的技术。 这种技术允许患者回顾、重新引导并最终“情绪化重温”创伤事件。 虽然Didion攻击Volkan的方法，具有讽刺意味地展示了他预测如果事情进展順利就会出现的愤怒，但她并没有纠结于技术本身的有效性或价值。
As September waxes and wanes, it may be worthy of consideration in the present context. None of us are lucky enough to skip through this life without wrenching an ankle, losing a limb, or saying goodbye for the last time to a life-mate. This is the nature of living.
随着九月的兴衰，在当前背景下，它可能值得考虑。 我们中没有人幸运地跳过这一生而不扭伤脚踝，失去肢体，或最后一次告别生活伴侣。 这就是生活的本质。
Denmark has recently announced that COVID is done and dusted. The virus, being “under control” will no longer play a part in determining social and cultural norms. Ireland has rolled out similar plans to end all restrictions by October, 2021. Yet just recently, we have lived a resurgence that shows how quickly virus mutations and a loosening of restrictions can plunge us all back into a time warp of uncertainty.
丹麦最近宣布，新冠病毒已经结束，尘埃落定。 “受控”的病毒将不再在决定社会和文化规范方面发挥作用。 爱尔兰已经推出了类似的计划，在2021年10月之前结束所有限制。 然而，就在最近，我们经历了一场复苏，这表明病毒突变和放松限制会让我们重新陷入不确定的时间扭曲。
The pros and cons of every territorial response to the pandemic are a moot point.
每个地区应对疫情的利弊都是有道理的。
We all do the best we can. But regrief as a concept begins to take on a relevance that is undeniable. In each and every one of us, the past 1.5 years has not only dredged the bottom of the psyche, it has also created bespoke heartbreak for many.
我们都尽力而为。 但作为一个概念的重新审理开始具有不可否认的相关性。 在我们每个人身上，过去1.5年不仅疏通了心灵的底部，还给许多人造成了定制的心碎。
Being locked in, being locked out, old loss and new; all of these krakens reframed and reinforced by the need to stay upbeat, the desire to keep on keeping on.
被锁在里面，被锁在外面，旧的失去和新的；所有这些克拉肯都被保持乐观的需要，保持下去的愿望重新构建和加强。
As year 27 dawns, I realise that I am no expert on grief, yet maybe I know a thing or two about regrief. This time 27 years ago, I stopped the kitchen clock, because its ticking reminded me of the clicking of bicycle spokes. I began my 1 year and 1 day oxtail-soup diet, because it was the only thing from a packet I could make that tasted like the past.
随着第27年的黎明，我意识到我不是悲伤的专家，但也许我知道一两件关于悲伤的事情。 27年前的这个时候，我停止了厨房时钟，因为它的滴答声让我想起了自行车辐条的咔嗒声。 我开始了1年零1天的牛尾汤饮食，因为这是我从包装中唯一能做出的味道像过去一样的东西。
The shoes were thrown out, but just like right now, they were too small for me anyway.
鞋子被扔了，但就像现在一样，反正它们对我来说太小了。
Didion’s life mate did not return. The Year of Magical Thinking considers Emily Post’s 1922 book, “Etiquette in Society, in Business and in the Home”, and ponders the difference between then, almost 100 years ago, “a world where mourning was still recognised, allowed, and not hidden from view” and now, when an “ethical imperative to enjoy oneself” demands that grief be hidden from view, lest it taint the enjoyment of others.
Didion的室友沒有回來。 《魔幻思维之年》考虑了艾米丽·波斯特1922年出版的《社会、商业和家庭中的礼仪》一书，并思考了近100年前“哀悼仍然被认可、允许、不隐藏的世界”和现在，当时“享受自己的道德义务”要求将悲伤隐藏在视线之外，以免玷污他人的享受。
The body is judicious in its use of fuel. The brain uses 20 percent of our daily allowance of resources. We rage, rage, rage against the uncertainty that is the daily fare, while another year dwindles into twilight.
身体在使用燃料时是明智的。 大脑消耗了我们每日20%的资源。 我们愤怒、愤怒、愤怒地面对日常票价的不确定性，而又一年则陷入黄昏。
“I look for resolution and find none”, writes Didion. Her grief, like that of those stranded in uncertainty, has no defined finish line. Perhaps all grief, in one way, is regrief; drawing up once more each time uncertainty, drastic change and lack of stability, manifest in daily life.
Didion写道：“我寻找解决方案，但一无所发现。” 她的悲伤，就像那些被困在不确定性中的人一样，没有明确的终点线。 也许所有的悲伤，在某种程度上，都是重新悲伤；每次不确定性、剧烈变化和缺乏稳定性都会再次出现在日常生活中。
Magical thinking may derail the pathological reactions to life changing gear suddenly.
神奇的思维可能会使病理反应突然改变生活。
But as my grandma always said, better out than in. Regrieving is perhaps the kindest way to work through life events that are too hot to touch at the event horizon. And what’s more, it can help us to better understand what fuels our response to the new, unpredictably eccentric normal.
但正如我奶奶常说的，出去比进去好。 悲伤也许是处理生活事件的最亲切方式，这些事件太热了，无法触及事件的地平线。 更重要的是，它可以帮助我们更好地了解是什么推动了我们对新的、不可预测的古怪常态的反应。
Regrief is an acknowledgment that life experience accumulates, and colours our perception of current happenings.
后悔是承认生活经验的积累，并影响了我们对当前事件的看法。
Congestion leads to build up. Build up leads to bursting. Emily Post recommends hot tea, broth or something that usually appeals to the taste. In other words, soul food, chicken soup and whatever gives you a warm fuzzy. Didion recommends it as “as prescriptive in […] treatment of grief as anything else I’ve read”.
拥堵导致积聚。 积累会导致爆裂。 Emily Post推荐热茶、肉汤或通常有吸引力的东西。 换句话说，灵魂食物、鸡汤和任何能让你感到温暖的东西。 Didion推荐它“与我读过的任何其他内容一样，在[…]治疗悲伤方面具有规范性”。
September is a funny month for me, and this year, it’s a funny month for many of us here in The Southern Jing.
对我来说，九月是一个有趣的月份，今年，对于南荆的许多人来说，这是一个有趣的月份。
We look for resolution, and we find none. But I know this. Grief does not diminish. We grow around it, we grow bigger than it, we grow with it. It’s the process that is this tick-tock business of life. Congestion is only a resting stage. Stop all the clocks you need, drink hot tea and broth. Comfort and stability will reassert.
我们寻找解决方案，但没有找到。 但我知道这个。 悲伤不会减少。 我们围绕着它成长，我们比它成长，我们和它一起成长。 这就是生活的滴答作响的过程。 拥堵只是一个休息阶段。 停止你需要的所有时钟，喝热茶和肉汤。 舒适和稳定将重新确立。
