Husbands playing games non stop on their phones and mother in laws interfering in the marriage are the main reasons for couples to seek divorce in 2021 Nanjing. But that more are choosing to remain together points to a general reduction in today’s divorce rate.
According to data recently acquired from Nanjing’s Municipal Civil Affairs Bureau, a total of 2,795 couples applied for divorce in Nanjing in January of this year.
But thanks to a new initiative, fully 898 couples gave up on their plan to divorce. The adjustment to the civil code entered effect on 1 January, allowing couples a 30-day reconciliation period.
A representative of the Municipal Women’s Federation said that the establishment of such a “calming-down period” can help the parties to be more careful and to not break up a family because of a temporary quarrel or hot headedness.
With the number of divorces on the rise, the Federation, together with the Municipal Civil Affairs Bureau, has in recent years set up marriage counselling centres in marriage registration offices across the city. The centres provide free dispute mediation and marriage-guidance services for couples considering divorce.
The efforts appear to be working. As reported by this publication, back in 2013, there were 18,000 divorces in Nanjing during the first 6 months of the year. With the actual number of completed divorces in January of this year at 1,897, such numbers point to a reduction in the divorce rate of almost 40 percent.
“He’s his mother’s treasure, a giant baby, I’ve had enough.”
These were the words cried by one 27-year old over the fact that her husband listened to his mother for everything. In his heart, his mother would always come first.
Excessive intervention in the marriage and conflict between mother and daughter-in-law account for a large proportion of the reasons for divorce, reported Nanjing Daily this morning, 9 April.
Marriage guidance officers also commented that many couples did not quarrel or hurt each other; they merely looked at each other every day without words.
And the men are not without blame. Another common phenomenon cited by frustrated wives is the husband coming home only play games on his phone.
Li Yan, a marriage counsellor in Nanjing’s Xuanwu District, revealed one of the secrets to managing a marriage. Reduce expectations. While in no way an intention to make it easy, lowering expectations can help to be inclusive and understanding of the other.
“Out of thousands of pieces of advice, I think good communication comes first”, said Wu Jun, a counsellor in Jianye District. Wu suggests that when one side talks, the other should put down their phone and listen carefully. Do not interrupt at will. Do not deny each other and argue right or wrong. Learn to think differently.
